Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Only by His power...

I hate setting goals.  Probably because of the let down if I don't make it.  I don't start over easily.  I take responsibility and finish to the end, even if it's ugly and no one's watching.  It's just who I am.  Knowing this, I don't make commitments lightly.  That being said, I have "pushers" around me.  Ones who know I'm not into change, and check in on me to make sure I'm growing as a person.

But after being convicted about my pessimism with resolutions on Sunday, I've decided to put on a new attitude (Thanks Scott).  "Expect great things from God and attempt great things for God." - William Carey.  He wants us to enjoy Him, and enjoy this life living for Him.

In starting a new year, I kind of want rest, to take a breather, and to be still.  These are good things.  But they can instill some laziness as a woman of faith, if in them too long.  So I'm going to simplify but expect God to rock our world again.  I'm going to sleep hard but expect God to wake me up when necessary.

And "attempt."  What a great word.  Making an effort to achieve or complete.  It implies really going for it, but in the end it's about the process.  God wants me to attempt.  Whether or not He'll use it is up to Him.  But the expectation of standing up and going is what counts.

I'm going to ATTEMPT to be the wife of my husband's dreams in order to bless the heck out of him.

I'm going to ATTEMPT to be the best possible mother for Colton- whether that means tough love or unending compassion.

I'm going to ATTEMPT to be a faithful friend when called upon.

I'm going to ATTEMPT to find my beauty and identity in Christ, and not in the expectations of this world.

I'm going to ATTEMPT all these things only by His power in me.  Any goal setting, or wishful thinking on my own accord will lead to guilt upon failure.  I know there is victory to be had.  And He's gonna get all the credit this time.

Happy New Year.

Friday, December 6, 2013

How do we do it?

I'm convinced that we're in the middle of what some moms call a "wonder week."  More whining.  Less sleeping.  Some growing, some teething, learning new skills.  It's all tough on their little bodies.  But it's tough on our bodies too.

It's pretty routine for me to wake up and my very first thought is not "what a beautiful day to be alive" (although, it should be, and I have so much to be thankful for).  But instead I immediately ask myself what I have going on, and maybe I should cancel everything and hide in bed.  I've been a mom long enough now that blaming things on hormones seems rather passe, so instead I find myself sarcastic and exhausted.

Then I look at this photo from this morning.  I see my son.  Wide mouthed.  Clinging to my shirt.  Who am I kidding.  He is so worth all this.  I must go on.

My friend called me on her one free moment yesterday (new mother of two... we mostly text and show our love through emodicons these days).  She reminded me that I did not possess this capacity to love this human sacrificially until he was here.  And then, God granted it.  Now I can extend it.  We laughed thinking about "all of His children" that He loves so fully and perfectly.  And we struggle to stay awake without coffee.  Ha.

So thank you God, for knowing what I can handle.  After a difficult week, my son graced me with a three hour nap window to shower, shave, fold laundry and write.  And thank you friend, for the phone call.  And thank you son, for being an amazing growing and changing child.  I may be tired, but I'm not going anywhere.