Friday, November 1, 2013

The Art of Showering

My advise to my nine-months-pregnant sister?

Shower.  Often.  And long.

I actually did this.  Showered twice in one day just because I could when I was pregnant.  I would sit in the shower just to drift off, pray and think.  Soaking up the silence and the water beads.

Now it goes a little like this:

My shower is all about strategy.  It needs to happen after I've exercised, but also after my son's best nap, and decent feeding, and in a moment of time where there really is nothing else that should take it's priority.  Finding that spot is tricky sometimes.  Welcome to 10 minutes of my world.

Photo cred:
Step 1: During nap set up the bathroom.  Clean clothes, potential changes of clothes, phone, water, clean towel, and about 5 toys that have not been "revealed" that day.  These toys must be exciting enough to hold at least 60 seconds of attention and be small enough to sit on the tub ledge (concealed behind the outer curtain.)

Step 2: Child wakes.  Feed and change him.  Assess mood.  The last thing you want is a screaming child outside of few moments of peace.

Step 3: Strap child into bouncy chair.  Still praying this chair grows with him, seeing that it's your saving grace for this stage in his lives.

Step 4: Begin song #1.  I have a repertoire of about 10 songs I can sing on command including mostly hymns, choruses of country tunes and Christmas songs.  Of all the songs we hear throughout the year, it's the Christmas ones that have the sticking power.  Seriously- all 4 verses of Joy to the World?  No problem.  Plus they are jolly and kid friendly.

Step 5: Turn water on, remove clothes and deliver Toy #1.  It deserves an exciting introduction as to hopefully squeeze the most out of it, because there will only be four more options.  The clock has begun.

Step 6: Begin song #2, complete with changed lyrics about how you're shampooing your hair and how much mommy loves baby.  Then you hear that sound.  Toy #1 has fallen on the ground.  The bouncy seat starts bouncing to the rhythm of his whining.  You poke your head out, and he smiles.  30 seconds of peek-a-boo.  Then it's time for conditioner and Toy #2.  Once again brought from behind the curtain with great surprise and exaggerated excitement!

Step 7:  Song #2 suddenly becomes song #1 because your mind drifted off to what's for dinner.  Toy #2 drops to floor.  Panic and sadness abounds.

Step 8:  Failed attempt at peek-a-boo.  Duh mom, you already used that one.  Oh!  Peek-a-boo from the other side of the shower.  30 seconds bought to lather body with soap.

Step 9:  Toy #3 is violently thrown against the door.  Two toys left... to shave or not shave.  That is ALWAYS the question.

Step 10:  Toy #4 surprising lasts longer than usual.  You peek out, concerned, only to find him trying to lean out of the bouncy seat.  Time for Toy #5.  I guess we're not shaving.

Step 11:  Song #3 on repeat cause your mind is a little numb.  You make a mental note of how desperately you need to clean the shower- after all it is your little peace of heaven, sometimes.  Oh and get Shampoo at Costco.  And the grout needs scrubbing.  Should call mom about her tricks for that.  Does the phone need charging?  ...Then that sounds we all hate to hear... Toy #5 hits the floor.  You could lean out to get it for him to buy you another minute, but then there would be water all over the floor and you'd spend that extra minute cleaning it up anyway.  Nah... sigh.  It's time to get out. 

Now there's probably not time for make up, and you might as well just throw your hair in a bun.  Muster up song #4 complete with made up hand motions just so you can throw your clothes on.  All this for 10 minutes of your life.  

But hey... at least we're clean.  That's sayin' something. 

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